This is A Chance To Do Something New
When I first started my travel blog, I had major doubts about it. Why would anyone give a fuck about who I am, what I think or what I’m doing? What am I even contributing in this space that’s already over-saturated with other white, (privileged) female travelers and wanna-be influencers? Will everyone just think this a cry for attention and that I’m full of myself?
Even with all of those doubts (and trust me, I still have many), I decided to just go ahead and start this blog as a creative outlet and as an escape from my everyday work life. I have loved to travel and explore new places ever since I was a kid. I modeled professionally for 10 years and have always had a camera in my hand to document everything. I love trying new food and sharing recommendations with anyone who will listen. This blog seemed like a perfect way to combine all of those interests into once place and share it with the world, and hopefully inspire a few people along the way.
It wasn’t until I left my bubble of friends who grew up exactly like I did, and went away to college that I started to realize just how much of a privileged little shit I was. I met people from all over, who had a very different upbringing than mine, and I learned over time to stop taking so much for granted. That, of course, is a lesson I have to remind myself of every day.
The more I traveled, the less I knew with certainty. It’s eye-opening to travel, to get out of your comfort zone, meet new people, and try new things. Even when I can’t get out of town, just having this blog as an excuse to break up my daily routine kept me interested in where I live, to not take it for granted, and to not get bored.
The senseless killing of George Floyd (and so many before him) and the uprising that happened just blocks from my house and of course spread across the world, has collectively woken us all the fuck up. If you are not a person of color and have spent the past week being uncomfortable, feeling challenged, and checking your privilege (some maybe for the first time ever) this is a chance to do something new. It’s a chance to look inward, to reflect on past wrong-doings, think about what’s actually important, and make a change going forward.
George Floyd memorial at Cup Foods, Minneapolis
I am struggling again with where to take my blog from here. Why would anyone give a fuck about who I am, what I think or what I’m doing? I’m not a major influencer. I haven’t worked with a ton of brands. I’m still learning photography and how to get better, more engaging shots.
I’m not usually overtly or outwardly political. I have plenty of opinions, of course, but I have learned through personal experience that sharing them on social media is either preaching to the choir or opening yourself up for a fight (usually with family and old friends) that doesn’t solve or change anything and usually results in me feeling terrible for days. I hate confrontation and I over-think fucking EVERYTHING. But I’ve also learned that silence is its own form of violence. Staying silent can speak so much louder than words. So while I don’t really believe that being loud on social media is the right way for me personally, I am working on how to better communicate and have in-person or private conversations with people when we disagree. The least I can do is hold others, as well as myself, accountable for when we do or say something shitty.
In the light of all that has happened, It doesn’t feel right to just go back to posting “modely” selfies with a stupid, one-line quip. I usually don’t share photos with other people in them because honestly a lot of my friends have asked me not to, and I respect their privacy. I even check with my husband every single time if it’s OK that I post a photo or story with him in it, and sometimes he says no, and I respect that. Permission is a powerful tool that I can give to others as well as to myself. And right now I’m giving myself permission to be a work-in-progress.
I don’t have all of the answers right now, but what I can do is revisit the reason why I started all of this in the first place. I can continue using this platform to inspire others as well as myself to get out and explore, try new things, see amazing art, eat great food and share more stories. I can share more local events, and promote diverse restaurants, artists and shops. I can support and partner with brands who value and actually show equality for all. And through all of that, I can change how my feed looks in the process by including more variety of imagery going forward.
If you’ve stuck with me this far, I want you to know that I really do, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate all of the support! We can navigate this new territory together, and I welcome any feedback (even if it’s uncomfortable.) And if after all of this you decide you’re no longer interested, that’s OK too. I can’t be everything for everyone, I can only ever be myself.
